“At 5-foot-11 and 400 pounds, Curtis Lynn Martinez, 34, brings added meaning to the term parolee at large. And while he may not be much in a foot race, behind the wheel of a car he proved to be pretty quick, investigators said Friday.”

At first the lead to this story caught my eye. I see how some might find it amusing. Then I read further. How would this be news other than that the parolee was overweight? How does the reporter know that the guy can’t run? Does David Richie of the Sacramento Bee have some knowledge that he just doesn’t share in his article? It’s also of interest to note that the headline starts with “400 pound parolee-at-large…” Obviously the whole point of the article was to show us that not only do we have criminals on the loose, but they’re fat like us. And that means we can crack a joke at their expense.

I guess the only thing the article is good for is that it gave me something else to read instead of another blow by blow account of Anna Nicole Smith’s death. Note to reader: I’m wearing black today. Are you?

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